kimreynoldslifecoach.com

Have you noticed when you do things the same way, you get the same results? This is fine as long as you are happy with the outcome. I have a client who is an artist and for years, she told herself she did not enjoy physical activity. This story supported being a self-proclaimed ‘couch potato’.  In her forties, she took up climbing and discovered she is a gifted and motivated athlete. This realization has opened doors to competition, travel, new friends and opportunities she could not foresee from the couch. She no longer calls herself just an artist and enjoys a far more adventurous life in her fifties.

Kim in her role as "Head Chick"

Do you like the story you are telling yourself? If so, you can put this down and flip to the classified ads. If you have a story you are tired of, keep reading.

Our personal story starts at a young age when our parents ask, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We begin to formulate our narrative around who we are, what we do and who we want to be. In school, you were probably either a jock, a nerd, a freak, a bookworm, a prom queen or a teacher’s pet. Growing up, we hung out with people who liked the same things and supported our unfolding interests. If you have ever gone back to a high school reunion, it’s easy to peg each other according to these past labels and dated reference points.

The adult version is our career. We go off to college and become something or someone such as a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, an architect, a parent, a guide or a business executive. This label starts to define us and we create detailed stories around our profession. When we meet people, they often ask, “so, what do you do?” We have a tendency to distinguish ourselves according to our interests and vocation. With this, we assume we know something about each other.

I find it interesting that in other cultures, such as India, they will ask “what God do you worship?” In other words, what is most important to you; who are you deep inside and what is the essence of your life experience? These are the inner layers of our being versus the outer layers of our appearance.

I am discovering that as my outer layer is becoming more worn, I have softened and my role as an outdoor instructor or climber is taking a less prominent place as my inner layers emerge. Helping someone in need and putting them on belay is taking on more meaning than getting to the top of the climb. I have started to tell a different story. Many people know me as the Head Chick who runs women’s ice and rock climbing clinics and here I am, in the local newspaper, as a Life Coach writing about insights into being human. Who knew?

Reasons you stick to the same story:

1)     fear of the unknown;

2)     attachment to your “identity”;

3)     comfort in predictable outcomes;

4)     you feel lazy;

5)     you are self-conscious of what others might think;

6)     you tend to be a creature of habit;

7)     you have no idea how to do life differently

If you can identify with three or more of these, you are ready for a different story. Accept this as a natural and healthy process of an evolving human being. Look at it as your own metamorphose process…kick off those worn out boots, shed the old skin and begin again.

Ways to identify you may be ready to tell a different story:

1)     you feel restless and you don’t know why;

2)   things that used to interest you just don’t have the same punch;

3)     you get bored of the same conversations;

4)     you are drawn to different people;

5)     you have self-help books hidden in your closet;

6)     you sense something bigger;

7)     you are not jumping out of bed in the morning

Ways to develop a new story:

1)     shift your perspective to “this is exciting”;

2)     find available resources;

3)     enroll your support team;

4)     use new words to describe new ideas;

5)     find a role model;

6)     hire an evocative Life Coach;

7)     change your inner dialogue;

8)     pull out that self-help book;

9)     don’t just sit there, do something!

Once you start a new conversation, notice how the world around you conspires to help and support you. Friends will connect you to others with the same interests, new opportunities will arise and yes, situations will even fall out of the sky. Trust that there are no coincidences. When you align yourself with what you WANT, the law of nature will join forces and collaborate with your innermost desires. Begin by telling a different story!

The greatest gift we can give another human being is our kindness. It is a sign of concern, understanding and generosity. It is the act of putting someone else’s feelings and well-being in front of our own.  Kindness is the positive force of compassion, an energy that we always have access to and can choose at any moment. When we get caught up in our own internal process, it is hard to crawl outside ourselves and be available to others. It is a perfect antidote to our present unhappiness, hardship or problem. When we give to others, we actually emit a chemical reaction within our body that makes us feel good.  By helping others, we help ourselves.

I have always held the belief that the world would be a different place if we asked ourselves on a daily basis: How can I help someone today? If we conducted our lives with that thought in our consciousness, wouldn’t we create a better atmosphere among each other? If we are only out for ourselves, it creates a feeling of isolation and we become islands of our own reality. It is human nature to want to connect with each other.

Human beings are not meant to be alone; we thrive as a collective, living within communities. I’ve always liked the phrase - it takes a village. When we help and support each other, we lighten our neighbor’s load and make someone smile. It feels good to bond in this way. I like the dictionary definitions of community:

1) A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals;

2) In nature; a group of interdependent organisms of different species growing or living together in a specified habitat;

3) In spiritual terms; brotherhood, sisterhood, fraternity, sorority, order, congregation.

When we live within this value of intentional kindness, we are effectively giving to others. There are different levels of giving and being of service:

• The first rung of the ladder is the type of giving that makes us feel good about ourselves. An example is donating money to a local charity.

• Next, is physically helping someone out. An example is serving meals at a food kitchen for the poor, or helping a friend move.

• Higher yet, is giving without recognition. These are often spontaneous acts, yet we don’t always do because of the minor disruption; opening a door for someone with full hands, shoveling snow for a neighbors before they notice, or letting a car pull out in front of you in busy traffic.

How often we do let kindness inconvenience us or interrupt our need to hurry? Helping others is an important quality for living with our fellow human beings.  Sometimes we need or want the recognition because it feels good, it is this positive reinforcement that might inspire us to act this way again. There may also come a time when we do not need this kind of acknowledgement. Giving then becomes a quiet, peaceful place deep within us. We possess the knowledge that we have affected someone’s life without the need to get credit in the process.  This is when kindness truly comes from our heart.

If we believe the idea that what goes around comes around, the Buddhist law of karma, we become even more responsible for our choices and our actions. We gain the knowledge that our daily conduct actually affects the way the world treats and affects us in return.

I have been most inspired by acts of kindness while traveling in Nepal. There, the people are noticeably poor and have so little in comparison to our affluent American lifestyle.  Yet, they have a genuine desire to bring me into their home and serve me tea, chang and potatoes. This act of generosity has profoundly moved me. I knew that if there was anything I needed, they would have offered it to me. That desire to help others is intrinsically woven into their nature, it’s who they are.

From the first time I set foot in the Himalaya in 1986, I always found this to be true. It is perhaps the reason I became so connected to the people and have returned year after year. It also inspired me to co-found The dZi Foundation with Jim Nowak in order to give back to these people I respect and learned so much from. (www.dzifoundation.org)

Kindness is contagious! Try it out, give it away, be conscious of helping others, say thoughtful words and see what happens in your life. If you don’t notice a difference, I will eat my words and begin again.

Three related movies: Happy, I Am (Tom Shadyac) and Pay it Forward.

Book: Ramban’s Ladder, a meditation on generosity and why it is necessary to give

My life has been devoted to challenging myself in the outdoors physically, mentally and emotionally. I thrive on long arduous days route finding in the mountains, pushing past aching legs and burning lungs, to reach a peak in the raging wind. The mountains continually dish out a variety of conditions that I have learned to adapt to; I find that the logical thing to do is dig deep and accept adversity. I know satisfaction when I make the most out of a potentially miserable experience and absolutely love it.

Friends huddled in a snowstorm

Physical challenges give me an opportunity to test myself and get a glimpse of the stuff I am really made of. Many athletes (extreme or not) become hooked on adrenaline and critical problem solving. In the face of danger our perceptions obtain a sharper quality and we feel more alive.

It’s not surprising that the rest of life can seem routine in comparison to living on this edge. As I get older, I examine the significance of making the most out of my everyday life and being able to find contentment in the simpler tasks. I now appreciate that another adventure exists within, an environment where I have the opportunity to dig equally as deep and find rich, uncharted territory. The same skills are required: patience, calm, perseverance and courage.

None of this occurs without being conscious of using effective tools. I’m grateful that my time playing in the outdoors does, in fact, apply to my day-to-day existence, phew! In the mountains this knowledge keeps me alive — in daily life, the same tools keep me happy.

Tips:

Internal dialogue: “If you can’t change the weather outside, change the weather within you”. I learned this from a tough female ski patroller 30 years ago. She took me into the storm while others stayed by the fire. I witnessed how she willingly faced the wind and was delighted.

Learn to enjoy adversity: I ran my Chicks with Picks women’s ice climbing clinics in New Hampshire where it was bitterly cold. The first year I wondered “how on earth will we teach women to climb in these frigid conditions?” At the end of the day the women were buzzing with excitement and were noticeably happy. I realized it had nothing to do with learning to ice climb, it was their ability to take care of themselves and keep a good attitude in adverse conditions.

Who we are shows up in difficult situations: tough climbs and challenges of everyday life offer opportunities to see our essence. How do I behave when things are not going my way? It’s a great place to drop old habits and explore new ways of being.

Kindness to others: when we get moody, it’s easy to take our frustrations out on those closest to us. It is important to start here! Our spouse, children and family are the reflection of who we are and it’s possible we may not always like what we see. When we learn to manage our personal life well, our other commitments and responsibilities tend to come easier.

New challenges: there comes a time when we have to forgo the activities we enjoy for varying reasons…we lose the drive, we get injured, we change locations or heaven forbid, we age. Humans seem to become bored without new challenges. When we trust that different adventures will present themselves, we are more willing to see an opportunity when it appears. For me, it is important to find new metaphoric mountains to climb and feel grateful that I have the skills needed to navigate the varying terrain ahead.

Ingredients:                                                          

1 Quart of Healthy Choices

2 Cups of Helping Others

1 Cup of Community

½ Cup of Passions

3 Tablespoons of Contemplative Space

2 teaspoons of Learning

1 pinch of Creativity

I just returned from the Telluride Mountain Film Festival which is the most inspiring and thought provoking weekend of my year. One of my favorite films was called Happy – it reinforced some of my core values as a person and a Life Coach. As a Coach, I help people to really “Shine”, be the best they can be, get unstuck, take a closer look at who they are and mix things up in order to ultimately be happy.

Presently, I am challenged by my recent shoulder surgery and slow recovery.  It has prompted me to look at what makes me happy in the face of not being able to participate in activities I am use to. Do I take being happy for granted? Am I happy now? What are the ingredients to living a happy life?

There are many recipes to happiness – this is the one I want to mix up this week:

1) Healthy Choices – we are what we eat (and think)!  It matters what we put in our bodies…fruit, vegetables, protein ….good fats, organic, non-processed food.  Fueled by good choices our bodies function well and feel better. In concert with good eating habits is daily exercise – it tones our bodies and brings more oxygen to the brain. When we feel “good in our skin”, we sleep better and yes, we ARE happier. Another way we feed our body is with thoughts – make sure you feed yourself positive words, they will directly affect the outcome of your actions.

Tip: start with making good choices at the store. Read a book on healthy eating, don’t starve yourself, eat well-balanced yummy meals. Do exercise which is fun, get a friend to join you for a walk or a bike ride. Make a climbing date. Make the time to exercise outside! Catch the negative thoughts and replace them with positive, more powerful, life affirming words.

2) Helping Others – the best way to get out of your head or engage in self-doubt is to give back and serve others. It is the most fulfilling, satisfying activity you will ever take part in. Years ago, I co-founded a non- profit organization called The dZi Foundation helping the people I fell in love with in the Himalayas. This looks pretty good on paper, but I soon realized that helping people in small ways, everyday, is just as…if not more…important. I have often posed this question: What if everyone on earth woke up and asked “how can I help someone today?” I truly think the world would be a different place. These small acts of kindness have a ripple effect that will ultimately create profound change on a large scale. Try it and see what happens!

Tip: find a way to help someone each and every day. Perform random acts of kindness that are entirely anonymous. Donate to your favorite organization. Write a letter about an issue that moves you. Point out peoples gifts & talents to them.

3) Community – family, significant other, friends, special interest groups, church etc. We are not meant to be alone, we are social beings who feel a deep desire to belong, share ideas and values with like-minded people.  We want to belong and feel validated for our values and beliefs.

Tip: call your family members once a week, let your friends know you love them, have a pot luck, join a book group, find a place you can have the conversations that matter most to you. Plan a weekly outing with your family. “Surprise” your significant other. Get down and REALLY play with your child.  We have a need to be seen and heard by others…give this freely and it will be given to you!

4) Passions – What blows your skirt up? You may have heard the phrase “follow your bliss”. What are the things that excite you and make you feel most alive? This is very different for each of us. Allow your passions to change and evolve over time as you change. Remember …your passions are ‘not who you are’ – they come from a more authentic you…not your ego.  When you are passionate; you are vibrant, enthusiastic and very happy.

Tip: mix it up and try new things!  Be adventurous. Make sure you do the things you love each and every day. Notice how easy it is to put these things off for the “to do” list. Go dancing, draw a picture, write a song, sing Karaoke or climb a mountain.  See the world through the eyes of a child.

5) Contemplative Space – It is important to put aside time to tap into your spiritual, sacred and divine nature. This will be an activity that gives you the space to go inside yourself, be fully present in the moment and give you the sense of something bigger than yourself. Nature is a place where I easily feel awe and wonder for this amazing life. It is harder to take life for granted when you feel this deeper connection.

Tip: meditation, yoga, walking in nature, church, spiritual group, prayer or setting daily intentions. Practice paying attention to gratitude, abundance and appreciation. Get up a half hour early to be still.

6) Learning – keep the brain firing. Studies show it staves off disease and increases happiness. It will inspire you to remain conscious and aware of the wonders of the world. Challenge yourself to be a life long learner…. never be complacent as the wonders of this world are endless.

Tip: take a class, learn a language, take music lessons, find a dance partner, join a book club, read about topics you know nothing about. Take interest in current events, make a difference on this planet, take an on line class, travel.

7) Creativity – is something that is “inspired”, it comes from the Supreme force and divine nature of the planet and of ourselves. It is present in our hearts, not our heads. You can not think it up, it will come to you when you allow yourself the space to be open.  Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself and have fun in the process.

Tip: whether you believe it or not, everyone is creative. Try things that are not familiar to you such as writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, gardening, decorating, cooking, poetry or dancing. The possibilities are endless.

My favorite condiment is Love….sprinkle it generously on everything!

Feel free to mix the ingredients and add new flavors as you go. If you find the combination that is right for you….you WILL be fulfilled and happy. If this seems challenging, I’d love to point you in the right direction!

For a free Life Coaching sample session, please give me a call! 970-623-2442.

Kim Reynolds

Certified Co-Active Coach